.:: Pray ::.

Monday, December 27, 2004

the beginning of an end is the end of a beginning. the year is coming to an end. MERRY MERRY BELATED X'MAS TO ALL PPL AROUND! SORRY GUYS AND GALS...it's not i forgot to wish u guys merry x'mas. it's cause i'm way too gone to do so. being working at red room on x'mas eve and merry x'mas day. was totally gone these 2 days man! drinking and drinking away like there's no tomolo. everyone there was way too gone even too work on those 2 nites. and everynite we went back after the 1st break of sunlight....now is tat extreme or wat man!!! wahahaha!no one could walk in a straight line, everyone was puking, but all in all, everyone was happy. or least the major part of the ppl there were happy. me? it's just bout work, drinks, puke, and forgetting. at least i slpt like a log on sat. for the 1st time in so many weeks. i finally can sleep soundly. i can forget bout things for a while and sleep well...

in a way, it's good tat i got snakey. it really helps me to relax more and takes my mind off things. snakey helps to calm me down. somehow, i can't stand to be in places with a lot of people now. even zouk. i can go there, but in the end i'll just hide in one small place and be alone. i just wanna be away from ppl. it's like i'm building a kinda barrier around me. tats not so bad after all....given my temper now, i would rather ppl stay from me or i stay away from others. it's better for both sides. just me and myself and kiat and snakey. tats all it takes to complete my life now.

well.....the end of a beginning is the beginning of an end. tats all i can say tonite. i'm just a shelled up person after all.

- +the coming of an end+
Scribbled by Amateur Shutterbug @ 9:14 PM

Wednesday, December 22, 2004

had my ear poked again today. think it's the 8th hold tat i have on my ears. wat's with all the studs and pain you might ask? i dun know....i just enjoy the pain i guess. today's stud is located in quite an interesting place. the inner part of the ear. man! dun know how i'm gonna sleep later. :P and oso dun know how am i gonna listen to my ipod.

wats with the pain again? hmmm.....quite hard to say. some ppl say tat one turn to another pain in order to forget bout the old pain. i tend to agree. i thought i could put a stop to her when i put a stud thru the webbing of my finger. but tat came off. and we got back together. and now, yet again i put a stud thru my ear in order to remind me of the pain tat i went thru. funnn though, now i dun feel the pain of my ear, instead, the pain in my heart is still there. refusing to go away. how long more? how long more i wonder.

with tis stud in me, i have to keep reminding myself tat everything is all over. there is nothing more left to do. she's happy i know. i'm in pain, i dun care. nothing matters to me anymore.

enjoy the pics ppl...

good nite cruel world.

- +pain+
Scribbled by Amateur Shutterbug @ 12:07 AM

Tuesday, December 21, 2004

check it out! it's inside the ear! :P

-
Scribbled by Amateur Shutterbug @ 11:15 PM

my new little red shoe shoe!!! yummy!

-
Scribbled by Amateur Shutterbug @ 12:42 AM

up close and personal! it's red! it's flashy! it's fast! it ain't superman! :P

-
Scribbled by Amateur Shutterbug @ 12:41 AM

whoo! just reach home from both work and shopping! yummy! brought my second pair of converse! :P and yes! i finally proud to say tat my first pair of converse tat was brought in thailand is in fact, one of a kind in singpore! yup yup! singapore does not sell it! wahaha! man! i'm proud and happy! woo hoo!!!!!!!!! the second pair tat i brought was a ALL STAR OX MS 9696 RED the regular pair of red low cut converse. they're on top. i loaded the pics first before blogging! wahaha! wanna share! :P opps....i think i'm having a convese craze now... :P well....they're easy to mix and match wat....so....bite me if u guys have any objections! wahahaha!

hmmmm.....now to the bad news....my skink is still in tat "half dead" state....my only choice is tat i hope it's shedding....tats why it refused to eat or drink....can only pray so man....tried to force fed it just now...only ate a bit...well....at least it's still moving when i hold it...

still miss my star turtles....have to check the next batch of turtles tat comes in....dun wan the trouble of having them to die on me again cause of over stress problems.

gonna start my new day tomolo wearing my new shoes! wahahaha! YA! my little red shoes! :) least tats sorta a break for me...least i'm feeling a bit happy today. took a bit of the pain off my mind.

oh yeah! before i log off, here are some pics of "nearly my latest pet". but too bad, my other fren wanted it so much i have to give it up. :(

ning for me again! working at 6 and after tat working at red room at 8. man! i can't keep tis up any longer....my body is gonna break down soon....i know it, i can sense it...but then again....working non stop can make me forget bout the pain for a while. rite now, no matter how short is the time, i just wanna forget my pain...

nites fucked up world...u sux...

- +converse craze+
Scribbled by Amateur Shutterbug @ 12:37 AM

me and snakey...sharing my face...

-
Scribbled by Amateur Shutterbug @ 12:27 AM

check out the eyes! the same top grey bottom brown...COOL....

-
Scribbled by Amateur Shutterbug @ 12:26 AM

red tail boa...way cool man!

-
Scribbled by Amateur Shutterbug @ 12:23 AM

- +pain+
Scribbled by Amateur Shutterbug @ 12:07 AM

Monday, December 20, 2004

man! wat a week. wat a load of bad luck!! thought i'm over the all the hurt and pain tat a person can cause me, but then upon seeing her again, everything got screwed up again! great. and if tat does not add up to my problems, my pets had to have problems. PURE BIG TIME FUCKED UP WEEK TAT I"M GOING THRU NOW. WAT ELSE CAN GO WRONG?? WAT ELSE?

first, it's the star turtles. they had to die off one by one. when feed backed to the shop, the owner finally own up tat tat batch of star turtles had problems. and all tat had brought from them died off one by one. ok....i can accept tat. they already had problems when they were shipped in. over stress....tats a major killer in animals.

second, now my blue tongued skink is like dying on me. no matter how i tried to feed it with it's fav food, it just would not eat. one side of it's legs is not moving and it tends to close it's eyes everytime. GREAT! wat's the fucking problem???? stupid spancer! ask me to take care of the skink tats having problems while he took the stable one tat i like. and now i'm worried bout the skink on my hand. and i can't bring it to see a vet. cause they're controlled animals. i can only pray and hope now....

wats the matter with my life now?!?! why is everything going downhill??? why is everything going wrong? fuck it! fuck the world! fuck everything!! ARGH!!!!!!!!!!! JUST PURE FUCK!

i wanna know...have you ever seen the rain...cause the rain always brings good news...

- +loads of bad luck+
Scribbled by Amateur Shutterbug @ 1:16 AM

Saturday, December 18, 2004

so now u think i'm treating u like a plaything in the past. well fine. thanks once again for another hurt. i can't feel a thing anymore. i still can't get over the hurt tat u injected into me on wed and before. how many times more must i still get hurt again by you and your words?

"i'm not tat into you." well fine. so i never find you while you were at grand. ARE YOU SURE? then wat happen when ever you're sick and i went over to find you before you left for work at grand and i went back to clock out for my sip? then why am i there when ever u cried? when u felt sad? why did i even bother to go make u happy? why did i care so much? so now it's one simple "he's just not tat into you" and everything will be better for you?

ok...you're the pretty one, you're the smart one. i'm nothing but just a fool. a fool tat gets hurt by you time and time again. and yet i'm still willing to get hurt by you again and again. how long more can i still continue to be tis fool? how much longer?

go be happy. hope you find the guy tat u really like. i give u my blessings. please be happy. i'm nothing just just a simple fool tats still in love with you, no matter wat u did or wat u do. it's pointless for me, i know. since you can turn away upon seeing me, i know u can find your happiness. go then. dun bother bout me anymore. u heard wat u wanted to hear from me, u turned your back to me as well. i'm sure u can do it tis time ting. so go...be happy. i'll be happy for you as well.

i'm all but just, a simple tats waiting for a hopeless love.

- +why all tis now?+
Scribbled by Amateur Shutterbug @ 4:43 AM

Thursday, December 16, 2004

yes. i did saw u last nite. i saw u when u wanted to walk across but stopped and u-turned back straight away when u saw me. i saw u down at the dance floor. i waited inside for quite some time after zouk ended. waited inside, give u time to go off so tat u will not have to see me, but yet i have to walk past you and in front of you when i walked out of zouk. i have to bear the pain of walking past u cause u looked away and refused to even look at me. i have to will my mind to just walk away from you even though i wanted so much to say hi, to smile at you, to be next to you.

it's better for you tis way rite? since u already dun wanna even know me, dun wanna even take me as someone u know. u wanted to see me as a stranger now. u can do tat. last nite u already did. since u can do it, i guess it's good for you rite? it hurts, it really does. when u just turn back and walk away. when u walk past me. when u dun know me at all.

since u can already move on, it's good for you. since u're already so strong, i'm happy for you. at least one get hurts is always better then 2. i feel the hurt and the pain. but somehow i can't feel it as well. a part of me died when u force me to tell u i dun love u anymore when i still do. last nite another part oso died as well. but does it matters anymore? i can't feel anything anymore. then why do i still care for you? why do i still see you as someone tat i love very much? despite everything u have "done" so far, i still love you. i still do. is it hard for you to just dun know me? or issit easy for you to do tat? i dun know. but it seems like u can do it. it's good for you to move on.

i dun mind the hurt or pain. anything i will do for you, in order to exchange for you being happy. in order to have you smiling again.

one person suffering is always better then 2 person suffering. for you ting, i'm always willing to do tat.

- +is it better for you tis way?+
Scribbled by Amateur Shutterbug @ 3:12 PM

Monday, December 13, 2004

tonite a part of me just died...

why force me to say tat i dun love you when in fact i still do? why? true, u have cause hurt to me tonite. true, u have made me say tat i dun love you anymore.

now i have know tat saying i dun love you anymore when i still do is really quite painful. why put me thru all tis hurt again? i still love you. why force me to tell you tat i dun anymore? does tat makes you feel more happy? so tats fair....fair for the hurt tat i've caused you over these few months...but issit fair when u choose to break it off when we're heading on the correct path? issit fair to force me to tell you tat i dun love you?

why did i wait for you to slp everynite? i dun know k! i just dun know! i wish i could slp soundly without having to worry tat u'll have nite mares. knowing tat u're sleeping safe and sound. i just dun know why i still care, why i still wait, why i still love you. can love be controlled? it can't ok. i still love you cause i'm sure of tat. but why do u have to hurt me in such a way? why do u have to do it tis way? tis is really the max u can go. can u go anymore further then tonite? i dun know how much i can take it anymore. i really dun.

i'm like a small soul trapped in your palm...waiting for you to finally crash me. but yet i'm still willing to be tat small little soul.

why am i putting myself thru tis pain? can u take away tis pain from me please? i really wish u can. i wish u could. please.....deliver me away from tis pain and tis world...

i still love you. i wish i could not love you anymore, but i still do...

sign.....it's another sleepless nite again...good nite to you ting....may u have sweet dreams only...sleep tight...it's another cold nite...please cover up tight and warm...

"if it's possible, please throw all your pain to me and i'll suffer them for you."

- +A part of me just died...+
Scribbled by Amateur Shutterbug @ 1:15 AM

look at my 2 new darlings!!! my new star turtle and blue tongue skink!!! check them out!!!!

- +my darlings+
Scribbled by Amateur Shutterbug @ 12:17 AM

my blue tongue skink.

-
Scribbled by Amateur Shutterbug @ 12:16 AM

my lizzy......freaking cute!!

-
Scribbled by Amateur Shutterbug @ 12:13 AM

here's looking at from guys!

-
Scribbled by Amateur Shutterbug @ 12:12 AM

my star turtle!

-
Scribbled by Amateur Shutterbug @ 12:10 AM

teenage mutant ninja turtle!

-
Scribbled by Amateur Shutterbug @ 12:08 AM

here's looking at you!!!

-
Scribbled by Amateur Shutterbug @ 12:06 AM

Saturday, December 11, 2004

could not sleep. dun know why. could not stop thinking about you. dun know why. could not bear to give you up. dun know why. could not bear to let you go. dun know why. there's so many dun knows. but i know tat i still love you. and tat i'm missing you greatly. my dear baby ting...i'm really missing you a lot. have a good sleep. sweet dreams only. nites...i still love you...i'm sorry...

- +just for tonite+
Scribbled by Amateur Shutterbug @ 3:48 AM

Friday, December 10, 2004

thing will not be the same anymore. true. ppl come and ppl go. things comes and things goes. things changed over time. everything? i dun know. perhaps...i guess it's true tat things changed over time. new become old, young become old, life becomes death.

ting...no matter wat i do now, i know it can't change a thing. maybe letting go was a good thing for us. or maybe letting go was a bad thing. i dun know. but as u know, i've always respect your wishes. so when u choose to let things and and break up, i had not much objections. true to a certain extend, we were each other's safety nets. always catching each other when we fall, always looking out for each other, always watching each other's back. perhaps tat is not gonna happen now. i dun know. there's always a big question and big dun know in life. maybe it's tat way for us.

we did had happy times together. and yes, i would agree tat it's really too short to end all those happy times. i did u a big wrong and i know tat watever way i try to make up for it or try to undo it, things will not be the same anymore. wats done has already being done. i can only regret and blame myself for it. it was a stupid mistake, but yet a mistake tat cost me big time. a mistake tat cost me you.

i wanted to truly love you. i really wanted to. but i had to make a mistake when i know tat i can and when i know i did. now tat's big time stupidness...and now...never could you look at me in the same way as before. no...i do want you to forgive me. cause i've really done a thing tat really broke your heart. maybe wat u did was rite, when you choose to break it off. i'll do u good. there's too much pain for you to bear. i told u before and i told myself before, never would i wanna see you upset or crying. but yet, i'm the one tat made you cried. i'm the one tat broke your heart. i'm sorry. but wats the use of my sorry when things already happened? when your tears are already flowing? i wish i can be there to wipe them away. but wat i really wish is tat i'm not the one who cause them to flow down in the first place.

could i let go? i dun know. over and over again i feel the pain in my heart. over and over again, i keep telling myself to let go, over and over again, i tell myself to be strong. but did i actually managed to do any of tis? i really dun know. could i do it? i dun know. rite now, life is really a big question and a big "i dun know" for me. funny how sometimes life gets you rite?

could i see you now as a fren or even as a stranger? could you see me tat way? if so, please do. i know it's better for you. at least u will not feel the hurt as much. if ever there's a suitation whereby the both of us have to get or be hurt, let me know. i'll always and gladly take all of the pain and let u walk away. NO. tis is not something tat i said to win your pity or any crap shit like tat. i'll do it cause 1 getting hurt is always better then 2 getting hurt. walk away without turning back your head k? dun ever turn back. least tis way, u'll not be able to see me at all. and in tis way, the hurt will not be there since u can't see it. it's better rite? it's noe selfless or noble or like watever, it's just something we both know we'll do for each other. but tis time, i'll rather be the one doing it. cause u've being thru too much pain for me to see.

of cause i would like to have a world where there is only the two of us. did we take too long to get together? if so, i can only blame myself. you were always there for me. always...without fail. and yet i let you down. of cause i wanna have only happy times with you only again. to hold you in my arms again, to hug you ever so tight again, to call you my baby once more, to have you again. i really wan tat. i wan tat so much. but it's all too late. way too late rite? i know....things will never be the same anymore. feelings will never be the same anymore. wats gone can't be found back rite? tat's wat you'll say rite? no doubt i'll agree with you. but only to some point baby. only to some point. i still love you. it's not a matter of letting og or not. the matter now is tat, ting my baby, i still love you.

so please, take care of yourself. u know you'll always catch a cold at nite if you dun cover up tight and warm. so pls cover up at nite k? remember tat. your nose is not tat good as well. tats another reason why u have to cover up. and try to learn to blow your nose k? it's not good to have them flowing backwards into your lungs. and if possible, pls go see a doc bout it k? remember to eat at the correct time k? dun always skip your meals k? both u and i know tats not good rite? you're strong. be strong. tats wat i like about you. and no.....you're not fat at all. and i really mean tat k? you're always wonderful to me.

on bad dreams...i know tat u always have bad or strange dreams when u slp. i really hope tat none of tis will happen again. i'll pray for only sweet dreams for you only. i hope tat someone up there hears me. well.....ok....to tell you the truth, after tat call u made tat week, i've being waiting for you to slp everyday. yes...maybe i'm waiting for tat call from you tat i know will not come. but i did hope for it. yup. the calls never come. so i waited. maybe i can't let go yet. maybe i can't let go at all. i dun know. i know u wan me to be happy. and yes, i really thank you for the thought. but i jus can't now. perhaps next time? i really dun know. rite now all i know is tat i'll still wait for you to slp in case you have any bad dreams, i'm still around in case u need me, in case u call me, in case you fall, just in case. true, i did lie to you before. but u know. u know it ting, tat i'll always be behind you catching you in case anything happen. pls dun ask me why i'm still doing it now. i really can't explain it to you. i'm doing it cause it's coming out of my heart and mind. i'm sorry if i pissed you off by doing so. i'm really sorry. but the thing is...i'm always be around and behind you when u need me.

cause ting...you're the most wonderful thing tat ever happened to me...

but then again, i guess it's really the end rite? well....to you ting...tis song's for you...for ting, my one and only gal tat i call her my baby only...you're the most wonderful thing tat has happened to me in tis life of mine...

Wonderful Tonight

It's late in the evening; she's wondering what clothes to wear.
She puts on her make-up and brushes her long blonde hair.
And then she asks me, "Do I look all right?"
And I say, "Yes, you look wonderful tonight."

We go to a party and everyone turns to see
This beautiful lady that's walking around with me.
And then she asks me, "Do you feel all right?"
And I say, "Yes, I feel wonderful tonight."

I feel wonderful because I see
The love light in your eyes.
And the wonder of it all
Is that you just don't realize how much I love you.

It's time to go home now and I've got an aching head,
So I give her the car keys and she helps me to bed.
And then I tell her, as I turn out the light,
I say, "My darling, you were wonderful tonight.
Oh my darling, you were wonderful tonight."

- +it's not the same anymore+
Scribbled by Amateur Shutterbug @ 3:27 PM

Monday, December 06, 2004

Ok...I'm like wondering...wats with some people? It's like once u made a mistake, they will like forever think tat u'll be like tis for the rest for your life. i mean....is tis fair or unfair? it's like "oh! you've made a mistake. and i know tat u'll carry on making tis mistake for the rest of your life." wats it with ppl? so someone broke your trust. ok. well....u just pick yourself up and carrying on walking on in life. and you learn to judge ppl from a different angle then.

and when i tell the truth, u choose not to believe me. ok....so i'm with tis gal now. and if so, if i'm with tis gal, then why am i the last one to know bout it? i mean it's like...."wow! i did not know tat i've a girlfriend now." or "woooo! i'm attached.....now how come i did not know bout it? hmmmm.....i wonder?" wats tis? i dun know...i'm slowly picking up my life again. so i did not know tat caring too much for a person i like can lead to a breakup. wow! tats something new! true...i promise you tat i'll be there behind you no matter wat happens. and i'll still stay true to tat promise. no matter wat happens. dun ask me why. i dun know why. i only know i care bout you. but please....u have to learn how to trust ppl. why sure....one person lied to you and there you go...topple over the whole boat of ppl tat cares bout you. one bad egg does not spoils the whole basket gal. unless you choose to topple the whole basket yourself.

well....sometimes i wonder wat u take me as. true....i'm there for you whenever you're down. and i really hate to see your sad. but then again....sometimes....really....i do wonder where do i stand? where is my place? wat am i? i mean....up to even now, forgive me please...u did not tell me over these past 1 year plus, wat am i to you. u jus kept quiet whenever tis question pops up.

had a tok with ginger a few days ago. some of the stuff tat she told me really sets my mind thinking...where do i stand? wat am i? ok....so he has got a girlfriend and he does not tell you. ok....so he wanna cheat on his girlfriend. but u did not allow him to do tat. u see him as a fren. but why are you so upset on him not telling you tat he already has a girfriend? u only see him as a normal friend. tats all rite? ir there's more? i dun know. u're more upset with him. i dun mean to compare. pls dun be mistaken. i never compare anything ok? but if u're only seeing him as a fren and treating him as a fren, then wats wrong? there's nothing wrong with it rite? i dun know anymore. i'm having sleepless nites again. sign....................

and when i thought tat i'm able to climb out of my shell.......in a nut shell....the song below sums it all up...

Over And Over Again

It's been so long ago
When you waved my love goodbye
With sadness in your eyes
You left me wondering why
Yes I was hurt before
But it never felt so strong
Now I face the world thats wrong
Without you I can't go on

It's just the way I feel
I know we're meant to be
I'm praying day and night
Why can't you see

Over and over again
I feel the pain in my heart
Can we make a brand new start
Over and over again
I keep on loving you
There's no end

These times without you
Turned my life into a hell
Everyone can see
But no one can help
I did the best I could
To get you out of my mind
But I just couldn't lie
To prove I'm not that blind

Love is all I feel
I know we're meant to be
Don't waste our time this long
Angel angel come with me

Over and over again
I feel the pain in my heart
Can we make a brand new start
Over and over again
I keep on loving you
loving you

- +ARGH!!! I just believe some ppl!!!+
Scribbled by Amateur Shutterbug @ 8:43 PM

FINALLY!!!! after like such a long time. i'm able to log on into the internet! man! dun know wats wrong with my comp or phone line or wat else is there to blame? cn't be able to connect to the net for nearly a week already! man! tats such a killer! not to mention the fact tat i can't blog as well.....it's such a pain in the ass! but then again.....come to think of it, these few days i've being like at ease with myself.....without having internet. i'm slowly getting used to not having to use the net....oh ok.....here's a few interesting facts.....

Instructions for your love life

Ever notice how the operating instructions for your newly-bought home appliances always sound a bit naughty?

Or how bout those usage directions for medicines and beauty products?

Well, here's a collection of assorted instructions collected from real household products - from hand cream to epoxy glue, eye drops to fire extinguishers.

imagine if they were instructions for your love life.

For beginners:
1) rub gently on affected parts.
2) ensure both surfaces are clean, dry and free from grease and oil.
3) direct nozzle at heated area and depress firmly. (and repeatedly.) (if swelling occurs, don't worry - you're heading the right way.)

For easily-distracted partners:
1) do not attempt to remove while in operation.

For those too broke to buy contraceptives:
1) remove while still in operation.

For the kiasu:
1) do not insert more than one implement at any given time.

For the encore:
1) please wipe with a damp cloth and dry before reusing.

Some standard precautions:
1) for surface application only, not to be taken orally. (because it IS still illegal.)
2) maybe harmful if swallowed.
3) if accidentally swallowed, give one or two glasses of milk or water and induce vomiting.
4) if substance should enter the eye, rinse immediately with water. if irritation persists, consult a doctor.

For those who want a white wedding:
1) do not use if the inner seal is broken or missing.

And we hardly need to remind you:
1) keep out of reach of children.
2) not suitable for use on young infants. (or old infants, for that matter.)

For the contraceptives afterwards:
1) please dispose if it in the proper manner.

Some tips to combat falling birth rates:
1) take 3 times daily, before/after meals; or as required.
2) several days od use may be required to establish regularity.
3) when used as instructed, no special care is necessary.

For the eveready bunny type:
1) administer every 2 to 4 hours.

For the very vigorous:
1) remove contact lenses before use.

Quite common sense, really:
1) do not use while driving or operating heavy machinery.

For the extremely well-endowed:
1) shock hazard. do not open.

For those afraid of commitment:
1) discard 30 days after first opening.

For those in a hurry.
1) shake well before using.

well.....tats tats.......kinda interesting facts isn't it? everyday instructions tat can be refered to when your sex life needs help. :P

- +Stewpig comp and everyday instructionsl+
Scribbled by Amateur Shutterbug @ 6:13 PM