Monday, November 29, 2004
wooo.....being a while since i last blogged. :p getting lazy....wahahah! being down to red room on fri and sat. it's tis pub over at marine south. kinda out of the way i know.....but the place is like super cosy and super chilled out place to be. the outside part tat is....inside is like your normal typical pub....which i dun quite like.
went down with spancer and nadia and bf and kelvin. they were like over there so some time already...think it's like coming to a year already. they know most of the ppl over there and that it's like one big happy family there. spancer's still thinking of wotking over there! wahaha! guess my fri and sat will most likely be over there from now on...
man! it's really like super chilled out and cosy over there.....there's john, the guiter player over there who sings every fri and sat....tats the main reason why the guys goes there every weekend, the drinks are cheap. people are really friendly over there, and there's plenty of singing going around over there, no matter good or bad. and some of the singers there really caputre the mood og the songs....gosh....i remember tat when nadia and annie(john's gal) sang "love me" by collin ray, tears just flowed out of my eyes. k.....i gotta admit....i was thinking of ting at tat point of time. but nevertheless.....it's really a good place to be at. i'm really happy tat the guys found such a place like this.
and wooooo.....does spancer plays the guiter man!!! he rocks! there's tis song called "when you say nothing at all", spancer play's his own version of it and i sang along....it's like wow!!! wahahah!!! and i'm not the singing person! :P i sang it on fri nite..and boy am i hooked on to tat song. and spanz and me were singing the song on sat when i stayed over at his place on fri. and then on sat nite, he played and i sang it on stage. it's like wooooooo! and wow!!!! waahaahah! hee! i'm proud of myself on tat. cause i dun go up on stage to sing. hhhmmm......also, another reason must be the drinks tat i had....hee! had chivas mixed with green tea. yummy! tats really a nice drink. the green tea cover the taste of the chivas. nice!! but the kick tat came after tat was like woooo!
well without futher ado, here's the song tat i've being singing and driving everyone nuts bout....wahaha!!! :P
when you say nothing at all.
It's amazing how you can speak right to my heart
Without saying a word, you can light up the dark
Try as I may I can never explain
What I hear when you don't say a thing
The smile on your face lets me know that you need me
There's a truth in your eyes saying you'll never leave me
The touch of your hand says you'll catch me whenever I fall
You say it best.. when you say nothing at all
All day long I can hear people talking out loud
But when you hold me near, you drown out the crowd (the crowd)
Try as they may they could never define
What's been said between your heart and mine
The smile on your face lets me know that you need me
There's a truth in your eyes saying you'll never leave me
The touch of your hand says you'll catch me whenever I fall
You say it best.. when you say nothing at all
The smile on your face lets me know that you need me
There's a truth in your eyes saying you'll never leave me
The touch of your hand says you'll catch me whenever I fall
You say it best.. when you say nothing at all
(You say it best when you say nothing at all
You say it best when you say nothing at all..)
The smile on your face
The truth in your eyes
The touch of your hand
Let's me know that you need me..
- +Red Room+
Scribbled by Amateur Shutterbug @ 1:49 AM
Thursday, November 25, 2004
it's time to get my life back from the pieces tat have fallen. time to redirect where i wanna go. it's high time tat i came crawling of the shell tat i've being hiding for so long. finally dragged myself out after a long period of sickness. man! i can't believe it tat i've being sick since last wed. it's being a full week. came down with the runs, the flu, the cough, and worse of all....a freaking fever tat will not go away no matter wat pills i down or wat kinda crap i've being feeding my body.
being puking everything tat i've put in my mouth since last wed. finally felt better last nite, and can go out of the house today.
few things have being going thru my mind lately.
1) there are certain things tat one have to let go. no matter how dear it is to them. let a bird have it's freedom, once it had enough, it'll come flying back. how true...but they forgot to add another sentence behind...if it does not, be happy, it's seeking it's own happiness tat it can't find of you. why hold back, by holding back, you're only slowly killing it. by not giving it it's well-deserved freedom.
2) nothing is ever lasting in tis world. in time to come, death will take everything tat you ever held dear to yourself. dun think of forever. think of wat u had in the past and hold those memories dear to you. hold them deep in your heart and bring them out to give you strength and courage when the time comes for you to go on.
3) dun be sad. instead, try to be happy. knowing tat in the end, the one tat you ever loved so much and the one tat you ever hold so dear to you is happy.
4) dun be selfish. think outside the box.
5) a big big sorry from the bottom of my heart to you meiting, for all the things tat i've ever done wrong. for all the times tat i've made you sad. pls be happy. there should be no more tears for you anymore. instead, let there be happy times for you from tis day onwards.
6) lastly...bout me. somehow, dun know why, maybe by a stroke of luck, i've being offered a job by a close fren. it's an interesting offer i would say. to help set up a clothing cum cafe gallery over in either taiwan or thailand. it's an interesting concept. pay's not tat bad. i'm quite keen. but to everything, there's always a downside....i've to be based in tat country for bout 5 years. 5 solid years. man! i kinda freaked out when i heard bout it. but thinking back....i've not being doing anything much in my life, no nothing or wat so ever. tis might be a big break for me. it's either i gain something, or i lose everything i've ever had. should i take tis risk? by taking it, i'll be gone by next year after chinese new year. can i bear to leave everything behind? i'm really in a spot rite now. how should i think? wat should i do? should i go try it out? or should i just live a normal life here? will you hold me back like you used to? somehow in a way, i hope u'll hold me back, tell me tat u still need me to be behind you. just like wat i've promise you before. i really hope tat....hope tat i can hear it once again from your lips.
sign....i dun know wat am i now or wat i should do...
- +Crawling out of the shell+
Scribbled by Amateur Shutterbug @ 5:03 AM
Friday, November 19, 2004
U used my love for u as a tool for revenge against me for wat i did to you, and yet i dun hate or blame you. why is tis so? i dun feel hate for you. i dun feel tat u have hurt me. why am i feeling like tat?
i only blamed myself. the faults are all within me. it's me who did all the wrong doings. i'm the one who is at fault. i still see you everything i close my eyes. how can i just drop it like tat? i can't. i want to be brave and face everything. but i can't. u told me tat i should be loved by someone else. how can you say tat? i can't feel tat way.
letting go was never easy....but letting go of you was something tat has never crossed my mind before. how can i let go of you? i just can't.
i have to wake up? i guess tat i do have to. i know i can't hold your hand anymore. i know i can't hug you anymore. you're not beside me by my side anymore. you're not next to me in my bed anymore. is it all a dream? sometimes i really hope it is. maybe it's more easy tat way.
in the end, i still hope the best for you. i still wish you happiness. i wan you to be happy in watever you do. i dun wanna make you feel hurt anymore. i'll carry on...i know tat i've lost you forever already. i've to carry on. i can't cling on to the past anymore.
i still love you. and i'll carry on loving you. i'll always be behind you always. tats wat i promise you. but it's not because of a promise. it's wat my heart and mind and soul agree upon. i dun feel hurt towards wat u've done. but rite now and from now onwards, i can only see you from a distance and love you from a distance...
good bye ting....
- ++
Scribbled by Amateur Shutterbug @ 1:26 AM
Thursday, November 18, 2004
you put it as all being a dream. it's so easy for you to say tat. it's all just a simple dream. i wonder where do i stand in tat dream. where am i? wat am i? u can tell me so easy tat u wanted out. u can tell me so easy tat u wanna be free.
go then. go be free. go be happy. tis is wat u wanted anyway. i'll give it to you. just like i've always give in to you. just like i've respect and obey your wishes everytime. i'll remove you from my memory. i shall close my eyes tonite and come to terms with my fear.
i've lost you forever. or is it tat you choose to be gone from me forever? which one is it? never mind. it does not matters anymore. i'll wake up now.
i love you. but are you taking my love for you and turning it into a sort of revenge against me?
i've finally come to understand tat fariy tales do not happens in tis real world. there's no happy endings at all. since it's all a dream, then it's high time to wake up already.
do u think i enjoy hurting myself as you so called it? i dun...but shit happens...
go and be happy...you're finally free to fly....
goodbye...
- +Soon...it'll be all over...soon...+
Scribbled by Amateur Shutterbug @ 9:04 PM
and oh yeah....i did told u yesterday tat the last sm would be the last contact tat will be made.
-
Scribbled by Amateur Shutterbug @ 6:48 PM
u know wat? i never ask you to bother bout me in the first place. just go away k. u're the one tat wanted to go away in the first place. u're the one tat wanted to be released from the pain and hurt. u're the one tat wanna be free. u're the one tat dun wanna fite anymore. u got all tat already k. so just go away. who ask you to bother bout me in the first place? u dun love me anymore wat. tat's wat u said k. a total of 4 times.
waiting? wats waiting to me? pls. i waited for you till the wee hours of the mornings everytime u had a bad dream or when u feel down. dun compare.
you're worried? or you're gulity? i dun know. u tell me.
- +i dun care anymore+
Scribbled by Amateur Shutterbug @ 6:39 PM
hmmmm.......think sorta fainted just now for a short while in the living room. was on my way to the washroom to shower when suddenly i found my myself waking up on the floor. kinda freaky! checked myself.....not much damage done. showered and came out....wow....think it's like bout 3 or more days tat i've not slept...quite amazed at myself....man! i'm freezing rite now....how come when a person has a fever, tat person will feel cold instead of hot? thought fever is burning up? anyways.....had a heavy fit of coughing just now.....in fact, coughed till i puked. which is kinda amazing.....consisdering tat i did not have any food. cough out blood again....from smoking? i dun know...or issit tat there's nothing to puke out anymore? wow....sign.....i wanna slp....but dun know why i just can't. dun know why i'm afraid to close my eyes. dun know why i'm afraid to lie down on my bed...sign.....i'm coughing, having a very bad fever, and can't slp....wat can be worse?
+I Wanna Sleep....Really Wanna Sleep...+
- +sorta fainted+
Scribbled by Amateur Shutterbug @ 6:58 AM
i'm burning up very badly now. coughing has gotten worse as well...body really paiunful. aching all over. sars? maybe....i dun know. can't see well now...nearly can't make it back just now...shit....i'm really burning up fast and bad...
- +Fever+
Scribbled by Amateur Shutterbug @ 4:38 AM
Wednesday, November 17, 2004
5.03AM and i can't get to slp. wonder how many hours it has being since i last slept...30 over hours? or 40 over hours? i have lost track. can a person's love for another drives tat person crazy in the end? wow....tat sounds scary...crap....i really hate my bed now. dun even feel like touching it. dun even wish to lie in it....sign....guess it's another sleepless nite again for me...
oh! and by the way...i did not know tat blood tasted so nice when one is in pain inside the heart...drip drip...slurp...drip...slurp...drip....drip....slurp....slurp....am i getting crazy? tat's a question i dun dare to ask myself...
- +5.03+
Scribbled by Amateur Shutterbug @ 5:03 AM
I dun regret loving you. i never regret loveing you. neither did i love the wrong person. i'm still loving you. it's not your fault tis happen. the fault is all mine. and i'll still be loving you no matter wat happens. there is never any wrong in loving you...the only thing wrong will be tat i never love you at all. which i did not. i still love you...
- +never love wrong+
Scribbled by Amateur Shutterbug @ 3:07 AM
back from outside. being in a daze the whole day. let's see.....wat happened today. hhmmmm.....went out...in a daze...smoked bout 4-5 packs i think or maybe more...i really lost track...smoke finish buy....smoke finish buy...maybe more then 4 or 5 packs...got honked at by 2 or 3 cars or bikes while crossing the road...wow....seems like the road's mine man....just cross without looking...opps....tat's some major mistake i know....but dun know why it happened. in a daze i guess...hhhmmmm......up to tis point of blogging time, i realised something....there's always an excuse for something tat we do. no matter rite or wrong. i could have gotten killed today. luckly me.....i'm still here blogging...and i can put it all to being in a state of daze. wow...and if i got killed, hhmmmm....i'll just put it as i'm being careless...is tat a good way of putting it? maybe...rite?
seriously....i did not know tat once a person's mind is switched off, he/she dun really care bout wats happening around him/her. i just walked round and round to where ever my legs would take me. sit down when ever i'm tired, move when ever i'm re-charged. amazing i could still go on at tis rate without slp, food, even water! i'm really surpised at myself! i think i'm make a good test subject in any "castaway" contest!
i'm not sleeping....why am i not sleeping? i'm looking for the ans to tis very question. sleep. sleep can ease a person's mind, body and soul. then why am i not doing it? why am i not sleeping? why? why? why? why? there are so many whys in tis world. i wanna know them all....but for now...i wanna know why am i not sleeping....why does my mind refuse to shutdown and sleep. i thought of nothing today....i just carried on walking and walking and walking. to one point and then when there's no more road in front, i just turn back and walk back, and took a different intersection at the crossroads. wat am i writing man??!!! i dun know....thoughts just flow out...jumbled thoughts...confused thoughts.
my head hurts from too much banging. i'm coughing very bad now. smoking? hhhmmm....possible...my mind is shagged out...my body worn out...and yet they refuse to shut down....why is tis so???? wat's happening to me? i wanna slp....i need slp....i wanna forget....i wanna dream a different dream...i wan to be release....i wanna fly....but yet i'm falling....falling down ever so fast and hard....why is tis happening? and wat's happening to me?
it's simple...why i dun wanna slp....everytime i close my eyes, i see her face, everytime i close my eyes, i see her smiling face looking down at me. everytime i close my eyes, i see her...i always see her when i close my eyes....it hurts....it really hurts...my heart hurts....it hurts so much. wat can i do bout it? wat can you do bout it? i dun wanna think anymore.....but the harder i try to forget, the more i remember...the more i close my eyes, i see you coming closer in my mind...why is it like tat??? it's should a bad way of ending it. such a bad way...
fuck it.....i'm out of smokes....i'm going out to buy some more and to take another long and senseless walk...will remind myself to stay clear of the roads....least i get killed...
i dun wanna close my eyes, i dun wanna sleep....cause everytime i see you when i close my eyes...
- +losing my sleep+
Scribbled by Amateur Shutterbug @ 2:20 AM
Tuesday, November 16, 2004
Wow...It's the afternoon and I've still not slp. I'm very much amazed at myself. Being thru 3 or issit 4 packs of smokes. I really can't remember. I pretty amazed at tat as well. Man....I'm so stone now....And throat hurts like hell...Think it's all clogged up with smoke and stuff anyways...It's amazing tat I can stay up for more then 12 hours straight. Without blinking an eye lid. I'm really really amazed at myself. Watching the cats roam around down my block as I smoked, watching ppl going to work, watching housewives going to the market, watching children coming out early to play. Watching the rain fall down on me. Feeling the rain on me. It's being a long time since I last had a walk in the rain. Walked over to her place. Dun know why, dun know how. Upon reaching, I just turned back and walk home. Dun know why, dun know how oso. Perhaps I dun wanna be a nuisance to her and trouble her. I know she's sleeping...She's having sweet dreams only...And I dun wanna disturb her on tat. Cause she seldom have good dreams...
can someone knock me out? Or stash me away somewhere? somewhere where no one knows me? Where I can feel nothing at all? Where I can say I truly love ting without hurting her? Or better yet...Somebody...Kill me...
I wanna sleep.....I wanna sleep so badly....I need sleep....I wanna escape...
- +unbelievable+
Scribbled by Amateur Shutterbug @ 12:58 PM
it's 7 plus i think....i think i'm starting to lose my mind...i wanna slp...wanna forget...but i just can't slp...no matter how many times i tried to bang my freaking head against the wall...i just seem to be able to knock myself out...i wanna slp....
- +losing it+
Scribbled by Amateur Shutterbug @ 7:45 AM
it's 5.49...i still can't sleep...am i losing it? i dun know...
- +Where is the sleep?+
Scribbled by Amateur Shutterbug @ 5:49 AM
it's 4.19...i can't sleep...
- +sleep+
Scribbled by Amateur Shutterbug @ 4:19 AM
解脫
愛是不夜城 回憶像星辰
熱淚越沸騰 我越感覺有點冷
變了心的人 越想越傷人
枯坐到清晨 陽光替房間開了燈
想 若結局一樣又何苦再想
傷 若讓人成長 我為什麼怕分手的傷
解脫 是肯承認這是個錯 我不應該還不放手
你有自由走 我有自由好好過
解脫 是懂擦乾淚看以後 找個新方向往前走
這世界遼闊 我總會實現一個夢
想 若結局一樣又何苦再想
傷 若讓人成長 我為什麼怕分手的傷
解脫 是肯承認這是個錯 我不應該還不放手
你有自由走 我有自由好好過
心裡有一種渴望勇敢的念頭
不要愛我的人再擔心我
解脫 是肯承認這是個錯 我不應該還不放手
你有自由走 我有自由好好過
解脫 是懂擦乾淚看以後 找個新方向往前走
這世界遼闊 我總會實現一個夢
SHE'S GONE
Every where I go
Everywhere I turn
I can see your face each time I burn
everything it rains
Each time it snows
I can hear your voice everywhere I go
And time,
It heals every pain
So that's what they say
And I ??.Would give anything
To make you come back to stay
She's gone
I didn't know it was so long
If I can't feel her in my arms
The days will be long and it will go on and on
She's gone
I didn't know it was so long
If I can't feel her in my arms
I'll sit here alone
The pain will go on and on
Oh no...........mmmmmmm
With every breath I take, And every step I make
I would see you here in this world I make
And thru the pouring rain And the blinding snow
I can hear your voice everywhere I go
And time,
It heals every pain
So that's what they say
And I ??.Would give anything
To make you come back to stay
She's gone
I didn't know it was so long
If I can't feel her in my arms
The days will be long and it will go on and on
She's gone
I didn't know it was so long
If I can't feel her in my arms
I'll sit here alone
The pain will go on and on
I know that I need her
In every thing I do
Goodbye ?Is not the word I need to hear
She's gone
I didn't know it was so long
If I can't feel her in my arms
The days will be long and it will go on and on
She's gone
I didn't know it was so long
If I can't feel her in my arms
I'll sit here alone
The pain will go on and on
one song, two different singers, with two different version, with two different ppl covering it, with 2 different ppl of different gender singing it, with two different meaning to the songs. wat a very funny thing to happen. One song. Two ppl of different sexes singing it. With two totally different version.
one's bout letting go and becoming stronger. The other is bout holding back and hoping tat the person will come back. 1 song. 2 meanings. And both are like totally opposing each other.
well...Both these 2 songs can really reflect on how I feel rite now. Should I let go and be stronger? Or should I wait and hope tat she'll come back someday? I really dun know. There are so much I dun know now. so much so much. I have a very weird feeling now. The feeling is like there's a lot I wanna know but yet it seems like I'll never know feeling. It's making me feel so scared. wat should I do? Which of the song should I choose? Which path would be better for me? I'm really confused rite now. so very confused...
it's my fault. It's all my bloody fault. My fault for making her angry all the time. My fault for fighting with her all the time. My fault for not giving in to her all the times. My fault for not being caring enough to her all the time. My fault for not being understanding enough towards her all the time. My fault for not understanding her needs all the time. My fault for not making her happy all the time. My fault for not fetching her home from work all the time. My fault for going clubbing all the time. My fault for ignoring her all the time. My fault for making her wait for me all the time. My fault for making her cry all the time. My fault for making her getting worried all the time. My fault for making her getting pissed off at me all the time. My fault for leaving her alone all the time. My fault for slamming down the phone on her all the time. My fault for arguing with her all the time. My fault for not making her happy all the time. And a whole lot more my faults. Cause I really do believe tat it's all my fault.
over tis past year...I dun think I've made her feel safe round me. Perhaps I'm really not up to standards as a bf. I dun make a very good bf I guess...The more I try to make up for things, the more hurt she will be. I wanna make up for so many things. I really wan to. But how come everytime when I make up for a certain thing, something always goes wrong? wat's wrong with me? I really wanna know. tis is someone I can really love and I do know tat I love. But she is gone already. I'm really lost now. I'm in a daze...Hoping tat tis is some kinda sick nitemare. But after so many knocks on the heads and the pain infliction, I really realized tat it's not a dream at all. It's real. real as life. real as me and you. It's not a dream...
it's all my fault. If I did not stray away in the first place, nothing would have happen. Because of my mistake, I have to pay a very heavy price. I have lost the love of the one tat I know I love. For once in my life, for once...When I know tat I really and truly love someone, I have to screw it up myself. wat irony. If I can undo everything now. If only...
I'm picking the second song..."She's gone" the song of hope. The song of holding back for her. The song tat makes me wanna wait for her. I'm gonna wait. Cause I still love ting. Nothing has changed in my feelings for her. The only thing tat has changed is tat I'm falling more and more in love with her only. I dun hate her....I really dun...Cause somehow...When I think of my love for her, any bad feelings would just disappear. I will wait. I'm waiting. Why? No why? Only one word...Love.....
- +解脫/She's Gone+
Scribbled by Amateur Shutterbug @ 3:32 AM
she told me she dun love me any more....i heard it from her own mouth...is it a dream? no...it does hurt when i banged my head against the wall. so therefore, i'm not dreaming. it's true. she did tell me tat she dun love me anymore. we have come to and end...
she does not love me anymore...
- +she's gone+
Scribbled by Amateur Shutterbug @ 2:23 AM
Monday, November 15, 2004
today i did something i should have done a long time ago...soul searching...why am i doing so much? or is it so much or nothing at all? why am i still fighting with you? is it fighting? or is it our way of toking to each other? why we dun see eye to eye with each other? or is it our way of telling each other tat we care for each other? why is so many things bad happening to us? is it tat we're meant to brave all this through or it's just fated to be?
finally...i stopped and ask myself today...
i asked my heart, i asked my mind, i asked my soul.
after asking them, they took some time to think things through...and the ans tat each of them gave me was tis...my heart told me tat i love u...and it's truly love you. my mind told me tat i care for you. and my soul told me tat i'm in love with you.
so no matter how hard our road or my road goes, i'm willing to throw out everything and brave anything tats comes in my way. it's not something tats worth to try again. it's everything bout you tat matters to me tat makes me wanna try and try again...keep on trying. my ans...i'm willing to try cause you're more then worth it. cause i still love you. and tat's the ans tat i've given myself. i dun know bout you. but tis is my ans to myself...
- +My Heart, My Mind, My Soul+
Scribbled by Amateur Shutterbug @ 4:21 AM
Sunday, November 14, 2004
Wat's with the fighting again? Why do we have to fight all the time? Ok...I do admit it's my stupid mistake yesterday for thinking tat you went out while you're sick while in fact, you well and jumpy and not sick anymore. So it's my fault for getting too worried over nothing. I can't be worried issit? It's not bout tat the thing tat I'm not happy with u going out with your friends. It's not bout me tat's upset or unhappy tat you went out with your friends till the point tat I've to "ruin" your nite. But then again, thanks for tat "ruin night" comment though. So being over worried is also wrong. Fine. I worried too much rite? u've all grown up. and now u're telling me tat you've all grown up. ok...tat's cool.
u told me u dun wanna fight. U told me u wanted to have a good tok. ok...Fine...a good tok we shall have then. But when I tried to tok things over, u had to interrupt by saying u wanna put down the phone. ok...I accept the reason tat u drank and u're starting to feel unwell. But can u put it in a nicer way? I really dun see the point of u venting your anger at me when I've done nothing wrong. Yes. I really do feel hurt and upset ok. I'm oso a human. I do have feelings and I do feel as well. I tok things out nicely and yet I get back tic kinda treatment. wat the fuck! Do I deserve tic? NO!!! No! I seriously dun think so k! Then wat's the use of being a nice person anymore when ppl just dun take your goodness and kindness into view? wat's the whole fucking point? so tat I can just be there for ppl to vent out their anger? so tat I can be a toy? a toy tat can be broken into pieces and then put together again for the next smash? so tat's wat trying to being a good person is like. To be broken down into small small pieces and then put back together again for the next throw or next session of "anger ventment treatment" issit? Nope...Sorry...Things dun work tis way k. tats fucking selfish. Pure fucked up selfishness.
But then again, I really must say. The ultimate finishing move is when she said tat i carried on for the sake of carrying on. WOW!! man! i can't and cannot believe tat she did actually said those words out. and it's from her own mouth.
FROM HER HEART, TO WHICH SHE REALLY FELT TAT, TO HER MIND, WHERE SHE KEPT ON THINKING BOUT TAT, TO HER MOUTH AND HER LIPS, WHERE THE WORDS CAME OUT.
yes. tat my dear gal...is the finishing move last nite. u were actually thinking of tat thought all the time. wow! tat's amazing! u know....even rite now as i'm blogging, i'm at a loss for words rite now. i dun even know wat to type anymore. those words are just too much for me to handle. just too much. i can't think rite now. wat i can think of is the image of you saying out all those words to me. u're really too much. never once was my love for u fake when we got back together again. NEVER!!! FUCK IT!! i'm really fucking pissed rite now. FUCK THE WHOLE WORLD MAN! WHY MUST TIS ALWAYS HAPPEN TO ME??? ARGH!!!!!! FUCK THE WHOLE WORLD!!! FUCK YOU! AND YOU! AND YOU!!!! FUCK IT!!! FUCK A FUNNEL AND SCREW A CAT MAN!!!
wat's there to be done now? tell me then. wat's there left to be freaking screwing fucking done now? it's a thought. i'll go chain smoke while trying to think bout it.now tat's a nice thought. no....not the thinking part....it's the chain smoking part.
issit even worth to try things again...
- +Is It Worth To Try+
Scribbled by Amateur Shutterbug @ 1:54 PM
Saturday, November 13, 2004
I'm sorry for making u think tat I'm uncaring towards you.
I'm sorry for making mistakes tat hurt your heart.
I'm sorry tat I'm not there for you whenever you need me.
I'm sorry for making you cry always.
I'm sorry for making you feel unsafe all the time.
I'm sorry for making you feeling wat you're feeling now cause of me.
I'm sorry for everything I've done tat hurt you.
I do care. I really do. Though it may appear tat I dun care bout you or tat I dun have the time for you. Baby....I always have the time for you. Just tell me and I'll be there. I know it's a hard time for you rite now. I know tat. And I'm willing to go all the way out for you. It's not tat I'm doing too much for you or whatever. It's oso not something like it's wat I should do. I dun know why I do it. I just do it. it just comes out from both my heart, mind and soul. I can't stop it as well. I dun wan to ask you to stop thinking bout wat had happened. It's hard.....So very very hard I know. Take your time k baby? I'll always be around. Always two steps behind you always. And tats a lifetime promise to you tat u know I'll keep. No matter wat happens to us. Till old age and through tis life. I'll always be behind you. And rite now, the only thing tat I wan from you is to have you get well fast, so tat u'll not suffer anymore from illness, and we can go out and make enjoy each other with happy times. And oso I dun wanna see you sick anymore. I feel so helpless when ever I can't do a thing to ease your pain. I hope to be more then a bf. I wish to be the one tat can take care of you whenever you're down. To be always there for you when u need me. If time is wat it's gonna take for you to believe in me again, then I'm willing to brave time along with you. No matter wat happens k? I'll always be there for you. 24/7, always a whisper away from you when you need me...never too far, always near you baby...cause i love you. i love you before, now, and tomolo, and many tomolos onwards. i hope u can trust and believe me in tis...
So you sailed away
Into a grey sky morning
Now I'm here to stay
Love can be so boring
Nothing's quite the same now
I just say your name now
Chorus
But it's not so bad
You're only the best I ever had
You don't want me back
You're just the best I ever had
So you stole my world
Now I'm just a phony
Remembering the girl
Leaves me down and lonely
- +How Should I?+
Scribbled by Amateur Shutterbug @ 4:54 AM
+May We Have Many More Happy Times Together Forever+ 
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Scribbled by Amateur Shutterbug @ 4:38 AM
Friday, November 12, 2004
Hey guys....I'm back to the blogging world. Wow...Did not realized tat it's being a week since I last blogged. And the thing is tat I'm not even busy...hmmm....Another touch of the writer's block? I dun know....I dun think so as well....Just dun have the mood to block. hhmmmm.....Let's see then....wat have I done over the past week....Tat makes it bout 7 days....Which 1 was super great and happy, the 5 was great. And the last day, yesterday, was boring....
4th Nov....The great and happy day.
it's my birthday. And ting suggested tat we head on over to wild wild wet to have a day to ourselves. We did enjoyed ourselves. Only tat the bad part is tat the rain came down. And being the skinny people tat we are, we could not stand the cold and therefore we decided to leave early. After trying only 2 rides. Of cause ting was upset. But hey baby.....There's always another time rite? I just dun wan you to catch a cold and get sick. Went for 2 movies in a row after dinner with my brother and Patrick. Watched princess's diary and the doll master. Ting got freaked out by doll master and came over to my place to sleep over. hee! I can still recall the way she put her hands up to her face to cover up her face whenever the doll comes out. Silly gal! It's only a movie. Dun be scared. U got me beside you wat. Dun worry....Well.....All in all.....It's really a nice and happy day for me. I had my baby all to myself for the whole day. And ting....Dun feel bad bout not getting me anything...U being there enjoying yourself with me is more then enough. I dun need presents. u're already more then the joy then whatever present can give me. muaks! I really did enjoy myself tat day. Thanks baby.
11th Nov...Yesterday...
tis is not good. My baby's sick and I can't do anything bout it except to wait for her in case she need me for anything. Man! I really detest tis kinda feeling. To be there but yet unable to do anything. I want to do all that I can to make her feel better again. But rite now, I can only wait. It's not tat I dun mind waiting, but it's just tat I can't do anything to help her while I wait. Tat sucks. I can only hope tat she gets better soon. It's really difficult for ting to get sick. She takes a longer time to heal and get well. Her nose will give her problems again and her fever will be on and off. I really wish I can do something bout it, and not just stand there waiting for something to happen.
another thing....Read her blog. Can relate and understand how she feels. I dun know wat I should do rite now oso. wat's the rite thing to be done, wats the rite words to be spoken, how I should react. I can only see wat will happen when time pass. It's being a long hard road for us. And I really hope nothing is gonna tear us apart again. Well....I'll have to work harder I guess! To make her feel the same way tat she felt as before.
- +Back+
Scribbled by Amateur Shutterbug @ 3:59 PM
Thursday, November 04, 2004
Happy hatchday to me,
happy hatchday to me,
happy hatchday to me....
happy freaking another year older again hatchday to me...
- +HAPPY BIRTHDAY!+
Scribbled by Amateur Shutterbug @ 12:00 AM
Wednesday, November 03, 2004
just came back not long ago. had a walk woth my baby and durffy. the third party cum dog tats supposed to be mine for $25. ya....tats the price tat ting offered to sell me at. since she's eyeing my pug tat i'm getting for us. durffy's only trick is knowing how to mop the floor with itself. just slide him across any floor and *poof!* the floor's clean!
let's see...over the night....wat we managed to achived...
1) tat dog nearly pissed on my bag.
2) showed me at LOOK such tat i've to share my fries with him...man! tat look of his could melt me man! :P
3) kana told off by starbuck's staff.
4) still wondering how come he has to walk from simei to tampines and then back again without doing anything. (pssst...durffy...let me and ting have sometime alone lah. even if it's a walk like tis, i'm happy already. next time give u 1 bag of fries without ting's knowing k?)
5) took a ride in an NTUC trolley.
6) he ended up super shagged out.
well...even if it's only meeting my baby for a short while tonite, even if it's only walking durffy, it's more then enough for me. to hold her hand and just walk to nowhere and jus laugh at our stupid jokes, life suddden has a meaning. simple is more then enough for me. and for so long, i've being searching for this simple thing. and now, i've found it. yup baby....i really enjoy myself tonite. muacks! thanks for making it so enjoyable ting. love ya...
- +Durffy+
Scribbled by Amateur Shutterbug @ 1:00 AM
Monday, November 01, 2004
taken off a book by tim burton...my all time fav writer...
+STICK BOY AND MATCH GAL IN LOVE+
Stick Boy liked Match Girl,
he liked her a lot.
He liked her cute figure,
he thought she was hot.
But could a flame ever burn
for a match and a stick?
It did quite literally;
he burned up pretty quick.
- +Stick Boy And Match Girl In Love+
Scribbled by Amateur Shutterbug @ 1:15 AM
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+The New Rugged Look+
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Scribbled by Amateur Shutterbug @ 12:26 AM
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+Here's Looking At You!+
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Scribbled by Amateur Shutterbug @ 12:26 AM
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+All Decked Out For A Night Of Fun+
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Scribbled by Amateur Shutterbug @ 12:24 AM
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+The True Shaggy+
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Scribbled by Amateur Shutterbug @ 12:22 AM
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+The God Father Of Bedok Interchange+
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Scribbled by Amateur Shutterbug @ 12:20 AM
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